You don’t want to be all that I care about and all that I put my energy into. I give too much, I pour it all in, my entire self is wrapped around your being and your mind and your heart and your soul. Is it suffocating you? Will it suffocate you so that you can no longer breathe with me here? Because it is suffocating me, it is filling me up, my heart is consumed by you, every thought I have is about you. I want to know who you are now but I want to know who you were before me, and who you were when you got to know me. And I need to know everything, every everything awful because I know that at least it can’t be getting any worse than that. And I need to feel all these terrible feelings and thoughts now so that I can condition myself for what may be inevitable, your betrayal, your falling out of love with me, you leaving me for another. Whatever may happen, even if it won’t. And every action you take I notice, I need to know why, what is on your mind, am I on your mind like you are on mine? And you can see it makes me insane, irrational, oversensitive, jealous. Is love supposed to hurt this bad? Is loving you killing me? Every day without you I feel as if I am dying, but every day we approach death regardless. I love you with so much of myself that there isn’t any love left for anything else. Not myself, not my passions, not my time, Just absolutely nothing and I feel like an empty shell because you don’t give me the same amount of love back.
You, you are unlucky that I love you because it is overwhelming, it is too much, it is too dramatic and too complicated and too messy. I don’t believe that you could ever love me back because I do not see anything that I love about myself, because I have thrown it all away to you. Give some of it back. Make me feel loved too.